


Just A Couple Of My Favorites

by idkanyhallways



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, M/M, POV Remus Lupin, Pining, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:28:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26639569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkanyhallways/pseuds/idkanyhallways
Summary: Remus loves Sirius like he loves the fog; it's something he forgets about until it suddenly surrounds him and catches him into its soft-but-greedy hands.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 12





	Just A Couple Of My Favorites

“Hello?”

“Hi, um. It's Remus.”

“Hi Remus.”

“Hi Sirius.”

“...”

“So. Would you like to – to go on a ride.”

“A ride.”

“Yes. With me.”

“With you.”

“With- yeah. Would you?”

“Of course I would.”

“Huh. Um. Great. Pick you up in thirty?”

“Make it thirty-five.”

“I'm sure those five minutes-”

“- Remus-”

“-will make _such_ a big difference.”

“Fine, forty minutes then.”

“I knew you would say that.”

“I knew you would know.”

“Haha. Okay. See you in forty, Sirius.”

“See you in thirty, Remus.”

***

The moment the call ends, Remus puts the phone down on the passenger seat, quickly as if it burned him and will leave an ever-lasting scar if it stays in the palm of his right hand a second longer. His hands steady once they are free and his heartbeat slows down, like a thick fog falling over a quiet village, enveloping tiny people in their tiny houses in its' steady presence and telling them _it's alright, you don't have to go out, you've done enough today._

He starts the car up, palms readily gripping the stirring wheel; now they are sure, eager; and turns the headlights and the wipers on as he slowly back off the driveway.

***

Somewhere halfway between his parents' house and Sirius' apartment, Remus pulls up in a small parking lot of a local grocery store. The drumming of rain grows louder and softer at the same time, and a street light to his right flickers. He's been mindlessly listening to a random radio station all along the ride, still not quite ready to touch his phone. But there's something in a gloomy evening like this one that makes him feel almost cruel for letting the music slip him by. And after hearing the first few beats of Boom Boom Pow (and don't get him wrong, it is a life-altering song to which he absolutely did and still does and for sure will continue to love to get drunk to), he is practically forced into stopping the car and shutting off the radio.

There's a wariness in him still, and it makes his palms itch. He doesn't pick up the phone, instead he grabs his wallet and car keys and quickly gets out, slamming the doors shut. He runs up to the small shop, rain following his every step, and opens the glass doors with a light shove of a shoulder.

So Remus is nervous. He's going back to college in a week, it's a three-hour long bus ride away from home that really isn't that long but it sure does feel like it. He's ready to start, ready to get lost in heavy books and big city lights and ready to anchor himself into something, anything really.

There is a part of him that angrily sparks at the thought of leaving, but that's not a problem, never really was. Remus has always been good at putting out the small fires burning inside of him. ( _Had_ been.)

“Good evening!” The voice of the salesman slowly registers in Remus' ears, and he greets the clerk back. He pushes the doors closed and shuffles forward, not really sure what to do now that he's here. It was a spur-of-the-moment type of decision.

There are only two people in the shop, including the salesman, as far as Remus can see; the other one is a girl around his age with headphones in and an umbrella hanging on her arm. It's still dripping with rain and it leaves a small water trail wherever the girl goes. There should be a trail behind Remus too, but he doesn't bother to check. He pushes a few curls away from where they have plastered themselves over his forehead and continues down the aisle.

The thing is, Remus Lupin doesn't really want to keep putting out the fires, not anymore. He loves Sirius like he loves the fog, it's something he forgets about until it suddenly surrounds him and catches him into its soft-but-greedy hands. He loves Sirius like he doesn't love him at all, until suddenly he very much does. A quiet smile on his lips that unconsciously grows to a matching grin to the one on Sirius' face; a hazy, forgettable afternoon that goes sharp at the _ping!_ of a text from Sirius; a house party with sticky floors and a sticky feeling in his throat as he catches a glimpse of Sirius dancing.

Like the creature of habit that he is, Remus wanders over to the candy aisle, a hand automatically grabbing a packet of sour gummy worms. He has a slightly unhealthy obsession with them, as they always make him feel a bit sick (and yes, it most certainly is so because he devours the whole thing in under five minutes), but there's a comfort in them. He hurries to the checkout and, while waiting for the salesman to scan the packet, opens his wallet to fish out the coins.

“Anything else?”

“No, thank you.” He drops the money into salesman's open palm.

The rain is still pounding on the glass windows, waiting for Remus to come out. The salesman follows his gaze and sighs. “The weather sucks today, huh.”

It kinda does. “Yeah.” Kinda.

“Good luck out there,” the man shoots him a small smile, and Remus smiles back, for a second feeling like he's on the right track. _It will be alright._

***

_... Everything it seems I like a little bit sweeter..._

A familiar song coming from the car speakers; he has finally connected his phone to the aux cord. Remus is driving a bit faster than he usually does, didn't really plan to stop at the store there. After he got into the car, he immediately opened his phone. He still isn't sure what exactly made him feel so apprehensive around it. There weren't any notifications when he unlocked it. He doesn't really have a plan.

***

Few weeks ago, when the days were still hot and sweaty, there was a spark. He had met up with Lily and Sirius during the morning, and they had crammed themselves on the balcony of Lily's flat, lounging in the sun like hungry little flowers. James had left an hour ago, off to a three-day impromptu trip with a couple of college friends; Peter and Alice both worked a day shift at a café; Marlene had somehow managed to catch a summer flu. So it was just the three of them.

They weren't talking much, just sitting there on plastic lawn chairs, eyes barely open and cups of coffee in hands, Lily smoking her second cigarette. There was a light breeze. Remus turned to his right so he could see them both better. They had their heads tipped upwards, like sunflowers, and both had a pleased grin playing around the corners of their mouths. Remus thought he had it too. It was a good day, a great day to have friends and for them to have you.

As he watched them - the copper glow of Lily's hair in the sun, slender fingers with blue painted nails holding the cigarette; the sharp angles of Sirius' face honed by the sunlight, his Adam's apple bobbing as he drank coffee – Remus felt his heart grow, slow and steady, never going to burst. He loved his friend very much, loved them like sun loves her flowers and like gloomy autumn afternoons love their fog.

And there was a spark. It wasn't anything terribly new, he had fought it for a year or two. Maybe even longer, but that's how much his pride lets him admit. He didn't feel like fighting it then. As his heart cracked open so it could grow, the light summer breeze passing through it awakened the sleepy embers, _wake up wake up wake up_. Remus let himself watch Sirius and let the spark ignite. After a moment, as if he could feel it, Sirius looked back and smiled.

***

_... It isn't very smart..._

Red light turns off, yellow, green. Remus unhurriedly pushes the gas pedal, not going as fast as before. He's not in a hurry, he doesn't have a plan.

Nothing had happened after that morning. Remus' heart has been an ever-growing ticking bomb ever since, ready to pathetically spill its contents whenever Sirius was around. It terrified him, but he couldn't stop picking at it.

As the days went by, Remus found himself taking long walks around the woods of his parents' house. He would wander around, break a sweat, internally debate himself into oblivion. It seemed laughable, this love that he carried. How could he say it aloud, how could he confess? It wasn't how it was supposed to be. His love was only his, it warmed him and it scorched him, but it was only his. And it was under control, until it wasn't. And he kept it quiet, until he couldn't. Then he picked up his phone and called.

_... tends to make one part so brokenhearted..._

It wasn't like it was a done deal. This didn't mean he had to do it, he could still back down. His approaching departure loomed like a safe beacon and a threatening, inquiring searchlamp. A clock ticking. Will you, won't you.

_... So please be kind if I'm a mess..._

***

Remus sits in the car, slowly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He's eight minutes late. Or two minutes early, he isn't actually sure. Sirius hung up before he could ask for clarification and after that, he didn't have the nerves to call again. And he didn't want to seem like he cared too much, and he didn't care, he _doesn't_ care if he's twenty minutes late or an entire hour early, because he knows Sirius will get into his car whenever he arrives. He hopes so.

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by [Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAm6l5sdJiA) by Rufus Wainwright, who is talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique etcetcetc
> 
> I hope that one day soon I'll write a second part, but for now (and that now being 4am:))) ) I'm okay with the ending.


End file.
